Polite Stuff

Before we begin: we’re sorry you’re here.

Not because we don’t want you here. We do. We’re glad you’re here. But the fact that you clicked on a link called “Polite Stuff” suggests you’re either a lawyer, extremely thorough, or lost. In all three cases, we respect you.

Privacy (Yours, Not Ours)

What we collect: Honestly? Not much. If you fill out a contact form, we get whatever you typed. If you visit the site, standard web server logs note that someone visited. We don’t know who you are. We don’t particularly need to.

Tracking: We don’t use the Googles to track you. (Is it “the Google” or “the Googles”? Is Google a they/them? A singular they? A plural it? In Canada, someone would have already convened a committee to determine Google’s preferred pronoun before proceeding with any policy language. We respect that instinct. We just haven’t gotten there yet.) We run our own analytics. It — and we’re using “it” loosely here — tells us things like “someone visited” and “they left.” That’s about the extent of our surveillance capabilities.

Your data: We don’t sell it. We don’t share it. We don’t even look at it with particular interest. Honestly, we barely know it’s there.

Your rights: You have the right to ask us what we have on you. The answer is almost certainly “nothing.” But you can ask. We’ll respond within a reasonable timeframe, which in Canadian terms means “promptly, but with an apology for any perceived delay.”

Terms of Use (Such As They Are)

The site: WelcomeToCanadia.com is a humor website. It is not affiliated with the Government of Canada, any Canadian province, Tim Hortons, or the maple syrup industry. It is, however, emotionally aligned with all of the above.

The content: Everything on this site is meant to be funny. If something offended you, that wasn’t the intent. Please let us know and we’ll apologize immediately, sincerely, and possibly excessively.

The quiz: The Canadian Citizenship Pre-Application is not a real citizenship application. Completing it does not grant you citizenship, residency, or a discount at Tim Hortons. It may grant you perspective. No government officials were consulted, impressed, or made aware.

The store: If we ever have a store, the products will be real. Until then, any fake products you encounter are fake. We’re sorry if that’s disappointing. We’re also sorry for apologizing so much in a legal document.

Intellectual property: The content on this site was created by us. You’re welcome to share it, screenshot it, and send it to your friends at 2am. That’s literally why we built it. Just don’t claim you made it. That would be un-Canadian.

Liability: We are not responsible for any doors you hold open for unreasonable distances after visiting this site. We are not responsible for spontaneous apologies to furniture. We are not responsible for the sudden urge to put gravy on fries. (Actually, follow that urge. It’s worth it.)

Who Made This

This site was built by Digital High Status, a company that builds things people send to other people at 2am. We’re Americans. We fell in love with Canada at a Tim Hortons. This is what happened.

Contact: info@welcometocanadia.com

Effective date: 04/04/2026. Or is it 04/04/2026? In America, that’s April 4th. In Canada, that’s also April 4th. This is the one time the date format doesn’t cause an international incident. We chose this date on purpose. You’re welcome.

Thank you for reading all of this.
Seriously. Almost nobody does.
You are a good person and we appreciate you.

Sorry it wasn’t funnier. It’s a legal page. We did our best.